Calling anyone who thinks they can grow a beard!
Imagine the setting… You're driving your bad boy eighteen wheeler truck carrying a cargo of cigarettes and a shed load of illegal immigrants. You're wearing a wife beater with an unbuttoned checked shirt, stonewash blue jeans, trucker cap and smoking some of your cargo. But something's missing… Yes it's that scraggy 'been on the road for 3 months now' beard, as you had to shave for your mother's 8th wedding to Bobby Joe Junior (who also happens to be your brother). You feel naked, you feel like you're not a 'real' man?
Have you ever felt like Jim Bob Junior III in this said scenario? Have you ever felt that you haven't lived because you've never grown a real unruly beard? Maybe because there hasn't been an excuse to grow one? Maybe you can't grow one despite hitting puberty many years back? Maybe you have been to scared to grow one?!? Well Hentucky Breaks is here to help you feel like Jim Bob Junior III. So I'm calling everyone to take part, from the 15 year olds with their bum fluff to the 30 year old with the bird feeder of a beard. Hentuckybreaks wants you to join in our HentuckyBeard competition (you see what I did there?!).
Now the deal is that on a set date of your choice, everyone taking part has to do a full clean shave. Then that's it! Lock away your Mach 3's or Flymos, then let nature take its course. To make this more interesting and relevant for you, get yourself a group of mates who can grow beards (yes even the girls, you know at least one who has more facial hair then you could ever imagine so get her involved!), and then all compete together. Form prizes, wagers whatever amongst yourselves to make it more interesting.
If on the other hand, you would like to compete against Hentucky, then the plan is to email a photo from the date when the competition starts, and then send in a photo every week, until you eventually pull out. You will then be competing against a variety of people, from the various bearded ladies to the obviously desperate 20 something year olds who aspire to grow a bad boy (the latter applied to myself.)
Now ladies, I don't want to leave you out as well! So if you can grow a beard please join in, but if you would like to grow your hair on maybe a leg or a pit, then go for it. Compete with your other mates and show that it isn't only Julia Roberts is 'running tings'.
There will be prizes for the best beard and leg/pit hair (Hentucky t-shirts, CDs etc.), and also a boobie prize for the worst beard. Now I'm talking supreme bum fluff despite three months not shaving, to just the worst looking beard possibly something that's patchier than Ma Bakers 'This Patch quilt has been in the family since you're great great great great grand mummy came to this fair old land.'
As there will be an aftermath to the beard growing, you can then decide to enter the 'Most Innovative Beard Competition.' Shave your beard in the fruitiest way possible, and then take a picture of it and send it in. You can shave it off or walk around donning it amongst your mates, but that's entirely up to you. A prize for the best beard will be given.
How to enter the Hentucky Breaks competition + Rules
- You must do a clean shave on the first day that the competition will start. Preferably having a group shave amongst friends, as well it will be a laugh and a nice bonding experience… well I'm assuming it will be anyway?
- The minute you shave any of your 'beardal' region you're out of the competition, but then you can submit yourself into the 'Most Innovative Beard Competition'. Same applies to the female entrants to the competition for leg, pit or any other hair you desire to grow.
- If you decide to compete with Hentucky Breaks, then you must send in a photo on your start date to info@hentuckybreaks.co.uk with HENTUCKYBEARD in the subject line. Please submit your NAME and AGE (to help on judging) and anything description of your beard growing escapade. You must send in a photo at least every two weeks to see your progress, and if possible include any updates (i.e. Day 6 was itching like a bitch, lost some Frosties on Day 7, found them on Day 9 etc).
- No photoshopped/doctored images will be accepted, though if they are funny they will be put up on the site anyway.
- If your job disallows any 'offensive, not keeping to the company image' facial hair, then unlucky.
- Please detail any amusing stories of your beard, I'll try and include everything with your pictures. Also if your own group competition going on, then please submit any group photos or detail any accounts of your beard growing experience.
- The end date of the competition is pretty much open. I know someone out there will probably never end up shaving, so when it comes apparent that someone is a clear winner, then they will be announced the winner. Judging will be done by Hentuckybreaks.co.uk and then the relevant prizes will be shipped soon after.
Disclaimer: Hentucky Breaks doesn't accept any responsibility if you are mistaken for a hobo, tramp, paedophile, criminal, crack head, the big JC or anyone else. If you get fired because your boss is worried for their safety as you're going to shank everyone in the office and their family and friends because they didn't give you any spare change, or told you to 'fix up' then that's the responsibility you accept when growing a beard. Any side effects as a result of growing a beard is not down to Hentucky, but down to you. Good luck anyway.
